My journey has not been an easy one; nor has my road to faith been a smooth one.
I share details of my journey to let you know if you are struggling, it is a part of being a live.
Oftentimes, it is the things that are hardest won that become the most precious things to us.
When I finally admitted that life is hard and owes me nothing; I came to appreciate every bit of goodness as an unexpected blessing for which I am truly grateful.
I hope “Beyond the Shadows” will encourage and inspire you to not let any obstacle stop you from pursuing the life you are meant to live. It is possible if you just keep believing!
Not a single sparrow can fall to the ground without your Father knowing it. And the very hairs on your head are all numbered. So don’t be afraid; you are more valuable to God than a whole flock of sparrows. Matthew 10: 29b – 31
The loss of a parent at any age is difficult. The loss of a parent to a child can be life altering; at least it was for me. My Dad was the rock of the family; but my Mom was the heart.
My two sisters and I each developed our own methods to survive my mother’s mental Illness. My older sister became stronger, my younger sister became estranged, I became shy & withdrawn.
I felt abandoned, alone; scared to ever feel such intense emotional pain again for fear I wouldn’t survive it. I detached from everything that could possibly hurt me including God. It was my best attempt to protect a broken & wounded heart.
That energetic little girl that rose with the sun to listen to the birds sing, Filled with the hopes, dreams & promise of a new day, was gone; I thought it was forever.
And so I became a fledgling, entrapped in a cage of emotional pain. I was unable to sing, unable to fly. I felt abandoned, alone, insecure, detached, & invisible. I was afraid to love or be loved.
I knew the world didn’t reward brokenness, weakness or mediocrity. So I constructed an outer life where I needed to excel at everything I did. I became a perfectionist. When I could not be perfect, I comforted myself with food while slipping into bouts of depression.
I became a workaholic sacrificing everything to excel at school & my career. I was a validation junkie, seeking a fix from whatever would validate me.
I was incapable of living an authentic life. I lived as I had to in order to conceal what was hidden within. I had survived a great loss but in the process I became an imprisoned, damaged and empty soul.
However, God had a different plan for my life. God is the golden thread that has been running throughout my life; guiding & directing me quietly in the background without me even knowing it.
Though I kept God at a distance He never abandoned me. All the while, He’s been at work lovingly repairing & reattaching the broken pieces of my life, transforming me with a new identity so I can live in the world authentically.
In short, this is a story of a life- Reclaimed, Redeemed, Restored & Re-purposed by Christ! Scripture says that not one sparrow falls without God knowing it. (Matthew 10:29 – 31)
I can testify that God cares for the fallen sparrows. You see, I was one of his fallen sparrows, whom He loved and saved through Christ. Nothing is impossible with God!
Sparrow’s Song Ps 108: 1-6